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The fear in your eyes
The terror in your gasps
You knew all along
this would not last

Russian Roulette

I'm playing Russian Roulette every time I eat. And more often than not the chamber is loaded.
< =-(**!!

Me at my desk 2:11p.m.
Doing paint swatches for my watercolors




as the ground
comes up
to meet me

Death Pains - Rough Draft 2

Death Pains Try 1

This life line is growing short
This corpse is growing cold
There's so much more, projects, ideas, and all I want to do
So many stories I have left untold
But like birth death comes
and like birth I'm having death pains
and it'll come,
Death will come.

I do not mean to leave
I do not mean to cause pain
I do not mean to cause grief/ make everyone grieve

Oh please,
dear sous please
I beg you to accept me,
Small snippets I have uploaded
for they are all of me, my few accomplishments

Death Pains - Rough Draft 1

Death Pains 1

This life line is growing short
This corpse is growing cold
there's so much more for me to do
So many stories left untold
Like birth death comes
and like birth I'm having death pains
and it'll happen,
death will come.
I do not mean to leave
I do not mean to cause pain
I do not mean to cause anyone to grieve.

Oh please,
Oh dear souls who read this please
I beg for your mercy
Do not turn against me now
Do not turn away, your backs on me
In my hour of need
Please I beg, accept me and these
Small snippets I have uploaded here
for they are my few accomplishments and have cost me dear,

Really Hard to Stay Alive

My kidney's are enlarged
I'm working really hard

to stay alive, despite the pain inside
my back is shot
my guts have gone to rot
from the age of 12, when I used to scream and yell
begging all adults around, for a cure,
but they refused to hear
denied I was even ill
I'm dying now because of my “inadequacies”
my inabilities to pay my doctor bills,
these damn quacks call me a hypochondriac
refuse to look inside, would rather deny
because of my poverty
and yet they still charge me,
for work they have not done,
diagnoses they refuse to render,
healing they do not have,
they are the ones that lack,
yet they point the blame at me
for their pompous ignorance, self righteous inadequacies,
why do they expect us patience to bow,
if they want that title and treatment
then they better be worthy of it,
become Omnipotent,
until that day they can even wipe away the saying Dr. heal thyself
they are human, ignorant and therefore fallible,
just as the people they are taking money from
and remember the Hippocratic Oath?
I shall receive no gifts nor payments for my services rendered?
I do this in service to others?
And I work another job for my pay,
to keep myself alive and continue to strive to cure all that are in need of my services
This was the first thing to be thrown away/out the window
but this poem has gone astray,
I did not mean for it to go this way.

Untitled 2

This one was posted in parts, it has not been posted as one WHOLE Poem yet so I decided to do such.


I've been hurt beyond belief
and I do not dare speak
But I have a lot to say
So I'll get it out this way

I am a silent soul,
Crying out my pain
Shivering in the darkness from yesterday,
Frigid it terrorizes my soul,
Haunts me with it's call
So I dare not show my countenance at all

Darkness I have been down
And now that I've seen the light
I'm trying not to scream
In hopes of keeping myself from drowning

Suffocation this solitude
Keeping myself safe from being unaccepted

terror it does rule me cruel as a king,
yet as safe as the softness
of depressions embrace
protecting me from everything

I wanted to make this perfect
I wanted to say it all
but life rearing its ugly head
I've had a poem in my head
bits and pieces popping up
but I did not record them

I may be neurological disease

I may be neurological disease
but that doesn't mean I don't know what's going on around me.

Step outside the bubble
wish that there were cures for my ills
instead of doctors lies and pills

go get so high
no mater how far you trip it'll never give you
a perspective like mine

Blobs and Blurbs

The strongest ones are those who walk on (alone).


If their lucky to continue on, beside/with their spouse, or friend, or whomever their significant other.

Fri. 12/5/2014


I LIVED this/through this.
So what's wrong with recording/speaking telling the world this.


Shoddy Poetry but it's mine =-D!
I used to be known as SoulEnigma
                                     this is true
I used to be known as
                                     this is true too
of all the incarnations I have been through...


Understand Me-Not a Writer

I'm not a writer
I don't report to be
I just have some stories inside of me
that I need to get out
and I want you all to read
and hope you can understand me.


Sad - Carson

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